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A Tribute to my Late Husband

Our Love Story, Till Death Do Us Part

My dear precious husband went home to be with the Lord on July 1, 2007. He had developed non-aggressive Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 1990 and leukemia in 1999. He went until 2006 without any type of treatment. He then had six chemo treatments and his spleen removed. He seemed to be doing well until his three months check-up on May 8th, 2007. His blood work revealed that his calcium was too high. The oncologist ordered a scan and biopsy which revealed that his lymphoma had manifested into a very aggressive type of cancer. What was to be an overnight stay in the hospital ended as a twelve-day stay. He had one dose of very strong chemo, which his body could not take. The cancer became more aggressive, and we were in and out of the hospital for the better part of six weeks.

For all of the near fifty years Bill and I were married, our love remained strong. There was never a time in our married life that either of us ever doubted this love. We didn't have a perfect marriage, because we weren't perfect people. I didn't always do things the way he wanted me to, neither did he always do things the way I wanted. Our commitment to each other stood the test of time. We loved without being clingy. We had our own hobbies, and we were allowed to have our space. If he told me he was hunting, I could count on him to be hunting. If I went shopping, he knew I was shopping. When he worked and I was home, I knew exactly the time to set the table for our evening meal. If he wasn't there, I knew there had been a problem driving home. We were the type that could or would talk to each other. We had so much enjoyment on the road as we traveled about, on long or short trips. We could really hash out a problem in the car. There was no running away. Even a ride from church could mean taking a back road, just for the sheer enjoyment of it.

Romans 8:20 God is working all things for our own good.

God revealed so much to me in the six weeks of Bill's illness. In the beginning there were many tests that kept us busy. Then when we were given the word that his body could not take the chemo and his time could be short, we began sharing even more with each other. Bill told me he had asked God for a miracle. The miracle came, maybe not the one that we would have liked; but it came no less. He was given the ability to share words and thoughts with me, his children, and the friends that visited. He became even bolder than he had been in the past. The greatest miracle was God's transforming power of victory over death and an end to Bill's struggle here on earth. He told me that our pastor, Brother Mickey, had prayed in the past for him to be a witness in his illness. The prayer was answered. Bill had a good life, not necessarily an easy life; but God had been good to him by bringing him from the hard times of growing up to a life of fulfillment.

God also showed me through all of this, that the most important thing in life that I could give my children was to love their dad. Bill told me that he had not had what the world might think as much in his life, but the best thing that ever happened to him was me and that he loved me more than I would ever know. These words will forever ring in my ears. The mutual love we had for each other had remained steadfast and strong down through the years.

A song I have played over and over is sung by a friend of my son's, Chris Hennessee. Some of the words are "Thank God for the lilies that grow down in the valley and the rainbows that come after the showers. They show us His tender loving care and that our Saviour is always there." I compared Bill's and my time together in those last few days to a dedicated Christian being down in the valley. Bill's illness gave me an opportunity to shower him with my love and tender care, which I wanted to do with all of my heart. Bill and I loved on each other, and we told our children that we were snuggling. Some people are in the valley of life without God, some thinking they love God, and some that truly are in love with God. This time can be spent, for those that truly love the Lord, to get closer and snuggle up to Him.

Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, a Stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust Him.

For several days following the funeral, and even at times now, my heart actually hurts. My doctor said, "That is the reason it is called heartache." While on a few days' vacation the week after his death, I was alone in my room, and I began to miss Bill so much. After getting over my crying spell, I picked up my Bible to read. At three different times, I had written scriptures on the front page of my Bible. (Habakkuk 3:17-18, Ephesians 6:10 and Psalms 18:2) This was food for my soul. Some would tell me that God would give me peace, strength, and all it takes to get by. I believe what the Bible says: God is the Great I AM. He is my Strength, my Rock, my God, and my High Tower. He is all and everything I need Him to be. Bill is living with God and God is with me living in my heart.

I don't know what I would have done without my children being there for me. The few days we were home from the hospital, my daughters did most of the chores, which gave me the opportunity to spend more time with Bill. My relatives, church family, and friends all around the county and different states showered us with love. They were there for us, giving us food, money, sending cards and emails, doing jobs that needed to be done, sharing hugs, and most of all, praying for us. I know the Peace of God that surpasses all understanding. I would not have my husband to come back and have to face death again. I have heard too many messages, discussions, and read too much scripture on Heaven to want him to leave his place of rest to enter this sinful world again just to meet my selfish needs.

During Bill's sickness, I learned what it meant to be prepared for a crisis in my life. Much of the time I didn't want to read the Bible or pray, other than sentence prayers and sharing what I had in my heart. I will forever be grateful that I had read and studied my Bible, stayed prayed up and firmly committed to God beforehand.

Lamentations 3:22-23 Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Hebrews 10:23 . . . for He who promised is Faithful. (NIV)

A few days after Bill's death, I told my daughter that I had to look at a picture to see exactly what he looked like. She said, "Mom, I think God has blurred your vision. You couldn't stand to see Dad's face in front of you at all times." I had never thought of it in this way. As time passes, I have begun to see him a little more clearly. Again, an example of God's tender loving care and His mercy. As the Artist of the big picture, He knows how to soften the edges, blending the darks and lights of my life.

Since Bill's death, I have had a panic attack a few times about driving. While on my vacation this happened. I cried and cried, telling Bill that I needed him. After I calmed down, I picked up my Bible and before me was Psalm 16:11, "Thou will show me the path of life". "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

On the first day of February 2007, long before I knew what the future held for us, I made an entry in a journal. "There is newness in every day. God is enough!" This date happened to be our first snowfall of the season. I wrote, "He is the Giver of new things. Everyday there will be a new sky, new thoughts, possibly new friends." My pain will be softer by God's mercy and bringing new things in my life. Bill is no longer physically a part of my life here on earth, but the memories of him will forever remain in my heart and soul. I thank God for my four days short of fifty years with Billy Gaines Helton. As my little grandson told me, Granddaddy has gone to a better place and you will see him again someday. Halleluiah. Netty Helton 7/24/2007

Wind Beneath my Wings by Margi Harrell.

Read "Tribute Poems" here

More midis here by Margi.

Netty's HomePage created by Netty Helton, 2003

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